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Quotes by Khushwant Singh

Quotes by Khushwant Singh

 

 

 

“Not forever does the bulbul sing In balmy shades of bowers,
Not forever lasts the spring Nor ever blossom the flowers.
Not forever reigneth joy, Sets the sun on days of bliss,
Friendships not forever last, They know not life, who know not this.”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan


“Freedom is for the educated people who fought for it. We were slaves of the English, now we will be slaves of the educated Indians—or the Pakistanis.”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan

“The last to learn of gossip are the parties concerned”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan

“Morality is a matter of money. Poor people cannot afford to have morals. So they have religion.”
― Khushwant Singh

“When the world is itself draped in the mantle of night, the mirror of the mind is like the sky in which thoughts twinkle like stars.”


“That's Delhi. When life gets too much for you all you need to do is to spend an hour at Nigambodh Ghat,watch the dead being put to flames and hear their kin wail for them. Then come home and down a couple of pegs of whisky. In Delhi, death and drink make life worth living,”


“Your principle should be to see everything and say nothing. The world changes so rapidly that if you want to get on you cannot afford to align yourself with any person or point of view.”
― Khushwant Singh
tags: paternalism, philosophy, politics

“Once through this ruined city did I pass
I espied a lonely bird on a bough and asked
‘What knowest thou of this wilderness?’
It replied: 'I can sum it up in two words:
‘Alas, Alas!”




“I am back in my beloved city. The scene of desolation fills my eyes with tears. At every step my distress and agitation increases. I cannot recognize houses or landmarks I once knew well. Of the former inhabitants, there is no trace. Everywhere there is a terrible emptiness. All at once I find myself in the quarter where I once resided. I recall the life I used to live: meeting friends in the evening, reciting poetry, making love, spending sleepless nights pining for beautiful women and writing verses on their long tresses which held me captive. That was life! What is there left of it? Nothing.”


“But big people’s illnesses are always made to sound big. The simple shutting and opening of the royal arse-hole was made to sound as if the world was coming to an end.”
―: A Novel

“I asked my soul: What is Delhi? She replied: The world is the body and Delhi its life. Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib”
―: A Novel

“If the blanket of man’s fate has been woven black, even the waters of Zam Zam and Kausar cannot wash it white.”
―: A Novel

“The Hindus hatred of the Mussalmans did not make sense to me. The Muslims had conquered Hindustan. Why hadn’t our gods saved us from them? There was that Sultan Mahmud of Ghazni who had invaded Hindustan seventeen, times—not once or twice but seventeen times. He had destroyed the temple of Chakraswamy at Thanesar and nothing happened to him. Then Somnath. They said that even the sea prostrated itself twice every twenty-four hours to touch the feet of Somnath. But even the sea did not rise to save Somnathji from Mahmud.”
―: A Novel

“It was again to the Prophet Musa that Allah conveyed the essence of true religion. The Almighty said. ‘I was sick, and you did not come to see me. I was hungry, and you did not give me food.’ Musa asked ‘My God, can you also be sick and hungry?’ God replied ‘My servant so-and-so was sick, and my servant so-and-so was hungry. If you had visited one and fed the other, you would have found me with them.”
―: A Novel

“Maorality is a matter of money. Poor people cannot afford to have morals. So they have religion”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan

“When you have counted eighty years and more, Time and Fate will batter at your door; But if you should survive to be a hundred, Your life will be death to the very core.”
―: A Novel

“One Sikh may argue with one Sikh. One Sikh must never argue with two Sikhs–certainly not after dark.”
―: A Novel

“India is constipated with a lot of humbug. Take modern Indian music of the films. It is all tango & rhumba or samba played on Hawaiian guitars, violins, accordions & clarinets. It is ugly. It must be scrapped like the rest.”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan


1“Nature provides that a man who slaves all day should spend the hours of the night in a palace full of houris whereas a king who wields the sceptre by day should have his sleep disturbed by nightmares of rebellion and assassination.”
―: A Novel

“I realized that I belonged neither to the Hindus nor to the Mussalmans. How could I explain to my wife that while the Brahmins lived on offerings made to their gods, the Rajputs and the Jats had their lands, Aheers and the Gujars their cattle, the Banias their shops, all that the poor Kayasthas had were their brains and their reed pens! And the only people who could pay for their brains and their pens were the rulers who were Muslims!”
―: A Novel

“But if they asked me ‘Abdullah when will you become a true Muslim?’ I would reply ‘Soon, if that be the will of God— Inshallah.’ If anyone asked me whether we were Hindus or Mussalmans, we would reply we were both. Nizamuddin was our umbrella against the burning sun of Muslim bigotry and the downpour of Hindu contempt.”
―: A Novel

“How downhearted was Meer at night! Whatever came to his lips became a cry for help. When he started on the path of love, he was like fire; Now it’s ended he is a heap of ashes on a pyre.”
―: A Novel

“The eye hath ruined me,’ the heart complained. ‘The heart has lost me,’ the eye replied. I know not which told the truth, which lied Between, the two, it was Meer who died.”
―: A Novel

“There was another matter which caused much disturbance in our mind: the viciousness of sibling rivalry. We knew that kingship knows no kinship. No bridge of affection spans the abyss that separates a monarch from his sons; no bonds of affection exist between the sons of kings. Sired though they may have been by the same loins, lain in succession in the same womb and suckled the same breasts, no sooner were they old enough to know the world than they understood that they must destroy their siblings or be destroyed themselves.”
―: A Novel

“If you look at things as they are, there does not seem to be a code either of man or of God on which one can pattern one's conduct. Wrong triumphs over right as much as right over wrong. Sometimes its triumphs are greater. What happens ultimately, you do not know. In such circumstances what can you do but cultivate an utter indifference to all values? Nothing matters. Nothing whatever...”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan

“We also knew that it was in the nature of an empty stomach to produce illusions of grandeur.”
―: A Novel

“His (Juggut Singh's) equation with authority was simple: he was on the other side. Personalities did not come into it. Subinspectors & policemen were people in khaki who frequently arrested him, always abused him, and sometimes beat him. Since they abused him and beat him without anger or hate, they were not human beings with names. They were only denominations one tried to get the better of. If one failed, it was just bad luck.”
― Quotes by Khushwant Singh, Train to Pakistan

“little mother of ancient days: Thou hast cunningly dyed thy hair but consider That thy bent back will never be straight!”
―: A Novel

“We had heard that the people of Delhi loved their city as bees love flowers. But we could not believe that the child of a courtesan would prefer to live in a Delhi brothel rather than in our palace in Iran!”
―: A Novel

“A Turk for toughness, for hands that never tire; An Indian for her rounded bosom bursting with milk; A Persian for her tight crotch and her coquetry; An Uzbeg to thrash as a lesson for the three.”
―: A Novel 

Some Famous Jokes By Khushwant Singh

Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

 

 

  Khushwant Singh
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR

Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady. The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused. The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain. Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat. Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

BRIGHT IDEA
Just married, Sukhwant had bad news for her husband when he returned home from his day's work. 'I feel so sorry,' Sukhwant said with a sob, 'I was pressing your best suit and burnt a hole in the seat of the trousers.' 'Don't worry, darling,' said the husband amorously, 'I have another pair of trousers to match that suit.' 'Yes, I know,' Sukhwant replied. 'You're lucky that you have. Thanks to that, I was able to patch up the hole!'
Contributed by Shashank Shekhar, New Mumbai

RIDDLE
 
Santa and Banta met on a village road. Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder. 'Oye, Santa,' hailed Banta, 'what is in the bag?' 'Murgiyan -- Chickens,' came the reply. 'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Banta 'You can have both of them.' 'OK,' said Banta, 'five.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi

INDIA -- THE NEW MILLENNIUM G R E E D UNLIMITED

Lala Garib Chand was a wealthy zamindar. He asked his maneem (accountant) to add up all he owned and how long it could last. The muneem added up all his assets and assured him that it would certainly hold out till the traditional saat pusht -- seven generations. Far from being relieved Lala Garib Chand looked more disconsolate than before and with a great sigh of sorrow exclaimed, Hai! Hamaaree aathveen pusht ka kya hogaV (Oh! What will happen to our eighth generation?)
Contributed by UK. Malhotra, New Delhi

Cheer up my son, buck up my boy, You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to school where they do not teach, In the House of God, they hatred preach. If you have merit, you will sigh and sob, If you are backward, you might get a job. Out of caste, if you dare to wed, Your kith and kin will chop your head. If you are honest, in north or in south, You will live from hand to mouth. If you are wily and your means sinister, You are likely to become a chief minister. But remember the new maxim, my lad, Defection is good, conversion is bad.
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut

Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER

While being interviewed an actress was asked whether she intended to get married in the near future. The lady replied, 'Never, I will follow in the footsteps of my mother. Like her, I will remain single.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal

HAND BAGGAGE

Uijaagar boarded a crowded bus with a bagful of purchases. There was no vacant seat. As the old bus rattled and swayed, he supported himself precariously, holding the bag in one hand, the other hand holding the bar provided near the ceiling. 'Ticket ... ticket ... ticket,' the conductor made several rounds past Ujaagar. His wallet in his hip pocket and both hands engaged, Ujaagar didn't know what to do. 'Ticket, Sardarji,' the conductor asked again. Ujaagar thrust the bag into the conductor's hand and struggled to take the wallet out, when the conductor protested: T can't be carrying passengers' baggage like this -- I'm the conductor, after all!' 'Okay, then give me the bag, and here, will you please hold the bar,' replied Ujaagar.
Contributed by S.A. Baseer, Hyderabad

LABOUR WOES

The Indian and Cuban labour ministers were in the midst of a meeting. Cuban labour minister: 'Labour problems in our nation produce hundreds of types of tensions for me.' Indian labour minister: 'That's nothing. Labour problems in our nation produce 50,000 babies every day.'

NEW INVENTION

Santa said to Santa, T have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being.' 'In what way?' asked Santa. 'Whenever it makes a mistake,' replied Banta, 'it blames other computers.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal

WHAT A CHEAP ...!

Banta went to a cheap restaurant to have dinner. He ran into his friend Ram Lai who was working there as a waiter. 'Ram Lai, aren't you ashamed of working in this thirdclass restaurant?' he asked. T may work in a third-class restaurant,' replied Ram Lai, 'but I don't eat in one like you.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal


CATCH THEM ...!

An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of beer.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent. ,. The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent. The Sardarji said, `I think ...' BUZZZZZ went the machine!
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark

SMART MOVE

Rakesh: 'Broken off your engagement to Meena?' Mahesh: 'She would not have me.' Rakesh: 'You should have told her about your rich uncle in Bombay.' Mahesh: T did. She is my aunt now.'
Contributed by Kesava Prasad, Tamilnadu


BETTING BLUES

5anta saw that his friend Ram Lai was very depressed. 'What happened?' asked Santa. 'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.' 'How come?' 'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.' 'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?' 'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'
Contributed by Ainit Kachnt, Washington DC

ONE FOR IMAMDIN

Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army. To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Lehna Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each -- one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.' Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.'
Contributed by Dr Dhanul Haq Haqqi, Karachi

COVERING YOUR TRACKS

An editor once wrote: 'Don't be surprised if you find mistakes in this editorial newsletter. We print something for everyone. And some people are always looking for mistakes.'
Contributed by Gagan Dhir, New Delhi
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

CAREER PLANNING HONOURABLE POLITICS?

A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read: 'Here lies an honest man and politician.' 'Shame,' he cried, 'two people in the same grave!'
Contributed by H.D. Shourie, New Delhi

Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing. What should we do for his career?' The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'
Contributed by J. P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal


WHODUNIT?

I hree men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left. When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left. Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.' When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark

TONGUE OF SLIP

An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congress wallahs are all waters of the first rogue.' The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, T am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.' This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.'
Contributed by S.R. Patnaik, Cuttack

FAIR EXCHANGE

When I was a youngster,' complained the frustrated father Ujaagar, T was disciplined by being confined to my room and not allowed to play with friends. But my son has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, and CD player to keep himself amused.' 'So what do you do?' asked his friend. T send him to my room!'
Contributed by Atul Kamath, Kumta


OH GOD!

A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised, 'Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away. Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked, 'How do you like it up here in the snows?' 'Just fine,' replied the disciple. 'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?' 'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.' T am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold. 'Why not!' said the disciple. 'Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl'
Contributed by Anirban Sen, New Delhi

ALIVE OR DEAD

Banta and Ram Lai were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Ram Lai leaned over and called out: 'You dead or alive, Banta?' 'Alive,' moaned Banta. 'You're a liar. I don't know whether to believe you or not,' said Ram Lai. 'Then I must be dead,' said Banta, 'because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.'
Contributed by Shivtar Singh Dal la, Ludhiana.


Khushwant Singh  
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

SPEAKER Vs MP

I wo dogs were discussing their masters. The first said, 'My master is the speaker of the House, when I start barking, he cannot stand it and keeps saying, "please, please, please ..." to stop me from barking.' The other, belonging to an MP, said, 'At least your master is polite. Mine is a most devious man. After abusing everyone in the house he has the audacity to put a signboard on his gate, "Beware of the dog"
Contributed by T.R. Rishi, Alwar

HARD TO PLEASE

When Balwant Kaur disapproved the girl her son wanted to marry, a friend told the young man, 'You must find a girl who is like your mother.' Several months later, the young man told his friend, T finally found a girl who looks, talks, and acts just like my mother.' 'Congratulations!' said his friend. 'Not yet', said the young man and added, 'this time my father objected!'

SARDARS AGAIN BLOODY ONION

He forbade me to eat. Even onion, a harmless edible That has nothing to do with meat. I wondered why father sermonised, 'Beware of onion, touch it not It has a bitter taste, With danger it is fraught.' I realised the wisdom of father's sermon, When election results were out. Is not onion, the bloody onion, That caused the BJP's rout?
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut

My father was a strict vegetarian

Santa and Banta went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore. Santa: T hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish,' Banta: 'Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.' Santa: 'You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?'


  Khushwant Singh
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute

WISH FULFILLED

God created a mule, and told him, 'You will be a mule, work constantly from dawn to dusk, and carry heavy loads on your back You will eat grass and lack intelligence You will live for 50 years.' The mule answered, 'To live like that for 50 years will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 20 years. And it was so. Then God created a dog, and told him, 'You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.' The dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. God then created a monkey, and told him, 'You will be a monkey. You will swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny, and you will live for 20 years. The monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. Finally, God created man and told him, 'You will be the only rational being that walks on the earth You will use your intelligence to have mastery over other creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.' The man responded, 'Lord, to be a man for only 20 years will be too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey refused.' And it was so.

Ever since the grant of that wish man's life goes somewhat like this: He lives the first 20 years as a man enjoying himself without a worry in the world, then he marries and have children, to support them he has to work like a mule and carry the heavy responsibility (load) of his family on his shoulders. This goes on till he is 40. The next 15 years he lives a dog's life guarding his house and eating leftovers after the children have emptied the pantry. Finally in his old age he lives the last 10 years as a monkey, entertaining his grandchildren by acting like an idiot. And so, it has been ever since.Amazing Quotes Stories
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 Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute <Khushwant Singh  
 Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute
Khushwant Singh
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute
 

Khushwant Singh
Khushwant Singh Famous Jokes A Tribute
 

 


 

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